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Cool Hand Luke Update

Massachusetts stole a leaf from Alabama's penal practices and initiated its first chain gang. While armed guards watched, prisoners shackled by the ankles painted fences out in the community. However, showing how trend setting the northern state is, the chain gangs are not referred to by that name. Bristol County Sheriff Thomas Hodgson said his department prefers the term "tandem work crews". "Chain gangs were meant to break people down," said Sheriff Hodgson. "My program is the complete opposite - it builds self-esteem and self confidence, and helps them know they've accomplished something." Absolutely. Can't you just hear prisoners telling passerby's that they're just building up their self-esteem by being shackled together in public? And why limit such obvious benefits to prisoners? What about students? (AP 6/16/99)


Say "Cheese" Dept

The royal marriage of England's Prince Edward to Sophie Rhys-Jones was "improved" thanks to computer imaging. Prince Edward noticed that his nephew, Prince William, had not giving his all in the smile department for the official photographs. Photographer Geoffrey Sharkley reported that, "Prince Edward said he didn't think Prince William looked absolutely his best, so digitally we were able to put in another picture of Prince William from one of the other shots where he is smiling and laughing." Now the historical record will show that the young prince was very happy at the ceremony. I suspect this is just the tip of a coming iceberg. Might we be the last generation to find it amusing or even unusual to re-define historical moments? (Winnipeg Free Press 6/22/99)

Beyond Breastfeeding

Nestle's has been subject to an on-going boycott for their role in persuading Third World women to give up breast feeding for the more "modern" use of artificial infant formula. The practice is credited by the World Health Organization with a million and a half deaths a year, largely due to the exposure of babies to contaminated drinking water. Now Nestle's has found a worthy free market solution solution. So simple for the owners of Perrier. They will be marketing a bottled water called Pure Life to 20 Third World nations. In addition, Nestle's has joined the environmental movement, initiating a model educational effort in Lahore, Pakistan, where it has encouraged a local ad agency to sponsor a series of "awareness seminars" on the dangers of contaminated water. Keeping with its natural modesty, Nestle's refrained from mentioning its role in funding the campaign. (WSJ 6/18/99)


Category Mistakes

The U.S. Board of Immigration Appeals denied asylum for a woman from Guatemala who was fleeing a severely abusive husband. After Guatemalan courts ruled a husband's beating of his wife was a "private matter", Rodi Alvaredo Pena turned to the more enlightened U.S. justice system. Our government openly admitted that Ms. Pena had been repeatedly raped, kicked and pistol-whipped by her husband and faced a direct and serious threat of harm if she returned home. She would suffer, but she would not suffer under any of the five categories recognized under U.S. law: race, religion, nationality, political opinion or social group. I can't emphasize enough the importance of acting within the proper pigeon holes. If only Ms. Pena had thought to utter some political views while being beaten... (WP 6/20/99)


A Small Clarification The Defense Department has been recycling old ammunition, making available over 100,000 rounds of armor-piercing .50 caliber shells for civilian use. The Pentagon has been selling the bullets to a company called Talon Manufacturing for a mere $1 a ton. Talon turns 98% of the bullets into scrap but is allowed to sell 2% to needy individuals and foreign governments such as Columbia and Brazil. At least that's what it looks like on the surface. In reality, things are a bit more complicated, as a company statement made clear. "Talon does not buy ammunition from the government," it said, "but is paid by the government to demilitarize ammunition as established by contract." I do hope they are using the proper demilitarizing wands for that purpose. (AP 6/16/99)


Going Native

Directors of arts and civic organizations are discovering that self-sacrifice pays off when it comes to fundraising. Richard Koshalek, director of the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles, gives up much of his personal time because of the pressing need to "be around wealthy people every single day." You can't just ask them for money out of the blue, he says, "You have to be one of them." It is called "living the life" in the trade and it means that arts and civic leaders are developing higher "lifestyle requirements" (i.e. $25,000 entertainment allowances, BMW's and housing that will allow them to entertain the wealthy as equals). The advantage of being a social chameleon, says Mr. Koshalek (who prefers other metaphors) is that "In meeting rich donors, I can talk about what they like. I travel where they travel, read what they read"... And save on the expense of maintaining a personal identity as well. (WSJ 5/26/99)


Big Ears in the Sky

Business Week reports that business leaders themselves are waking up to the surveillance realities of the National Security Agency. The NSA along with Britain, Canada and 'New Zealand operate a network of spy satellites, listening stations and powerful search engines that can eavesdrop on any phone call or electronic communication crossing national borders. John E Pike, a military analyst at the Federation of American Scientists warns the surveillance network, known as Echelon, outstrips anything George Orwell ever imagined. Fortunately he offers some fine advice. "Just get used to the fact," he cautions, "Big Brother is listening." Just get used to it... sounds like we might also want to learn a few more phrases, like "Sit", "Roll over" and "Play dead". (BW 5/31/99)


Sweet Promises

The state of California announced it will be selling confidential salary information about state citizens to banks, car dealers and other creditors. For a fee of $5 to $10 each, "qualified creditors" will be able to access the earnings of some 14 million Californians on the Internet. The good news is that written permission is required from each resident before information may be accessed. The even better news is that this industry-written bill avoids excessive government interference by not requiring creditors to keep cumbersome records showing proof of having obtained those written permissions. It's an honor system. A gentleman's agreement. In addition, we have the word of William Skowronnek, president of the company operating the system, that "We realize that this information is private. We don't give it to everyone." What more assurances could we ever ask for? (LAT 6/3/99)


Positive Spin Dept.

Once upon a time, going bankrupt was a cause for shame, but now times have changed, particularly around Seattle, Washington. Should you suffer bankruptcy in the Pacific Northwest, you may look forward to receiving a personal letter from a car dealership named Sound of Puyallup. The letter, signed by a Justin Hanson, begins with the word "Congratulations!". Celebrations are in order not only because Sound of Puyallup extends loans regardless of past credit, but for a deeper reason. Mr. Hanson writes, "It has been brought to my attention, through a source of public knowledge, that you have successfully completed a bankruptcy." Sure sounds better than "Congratulations, you are flat broke." But not by much. Sounds almost like graduating from college. The Con Goes On Do you worry about what happens to white collar criminals once they leave prison? Now there is an organization willing to employ their talents -- on the corporate lecture circuit. A speakers agency called Pros and the Cons, has been sending out a parade of convicted embezzlers like Whitewater figure Webster Hubbel to speak to corporations willing to pay $1000 or more for the edifying experience (a figure slightly higher than what blue collar criminals can expect). Part of the reason for this disparity is explained by the Wall Street Journal, referring to Barry Minkow, a embezzler of $26 million: "The very attributes that enabled Mr. Minkow to hoodwink sophisticated bankers and private investors -- charm, aplomb, ingenuity -- served him well as a speaker." Apparently corporate audiences appreciate one of their own... (WSJ 5/25/99)

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